Rock 11

Nice crisp morning, and a Friday to boot. Had some snow last night, so getting the yard put away was a winning idea. I have been puttering this morning and doing cleaning, always. The Dude invited me to lunch today, so I am up for that. We always have a great time, and I am rather hungry. Still holding around the 200 level and hoping to break through. If not, I will request the surgeon to remove the heaviest objects when he goes in Monday.

I have been cruising along with the checkups, pills, and other stuff. Now I can feel the countdown underway. Hope to spend the time wisely and not waste this valuable interlude, but the mind wanders to the unknown. A good friend's daughter had an operation Thursday, so am waiting to hear of it. It was not a major problem, but the procedure is still scary.

I had a quiet day Thursday. Not much to do and no visitors. Missed The Dude, but he has had his own row to hoe. Trying to raise extra cash and rent a cottage. I hear he is having success in both areas. Cute place, should go fast. But it is the first of the new month, so a critical time for him.

I have a few errands to run today, but nothing major. No medical. Still trying to get the house up to par. Lots of scrubbing yet to do. I just see things, maybe little but enough to get me going. Just like several past events when I was suddenly home and realizing how little had been done. "Too busy" is always a handy call.

Looking forward to the usual weekend, with a wandering mind. Doing coffee, hopefully with The Dude, on Saturday and then the shopping. Always a fun trip. Guess inside now? He has not made it for the past few, so am hoping to get back together. His time is easing, so perhaps???

Still feeling good. Rested for a change, and on all my pills. They seem to be doing some good, if way too slowly for my hopes. While the blood pressure is no longer the #1 concern, compared to cancer, it remains a definite goal. I take my pills faithfully and watch my activities. And, of course, it cannot be too high for the surgeon.

First posting for several days. Cool morning, but above freezing. I spent Wed. trying to get plants inside and the terraces picked up for the winter cold expected shortly. Last year it was the coldest week of the entire season. I almost got everything done, but the shutoff valve just hurt too much, Will try later this morning.

It was an interesting day. I had to purchase more pills, so walked over and back. The leaves were pretty, and the temp was not bad. Also entered a contest for new furniture for The Dude and me. We both need a sofa plus whatever. Will be fun doing the shopping at any rate.

Heard The Dude had a fun day, with a party at lunch. He is going to share his recipe with yours truly, plus some tickets for the drawing. The prizes are food baskets. I am doing the Magnificent Meat spread, with 7 kinds of animals plus toppings. Really can use that one. Of course if I just happen to win something, my pledge to my bud is off for those meals.

In Southern California my good pal Paul had to sleep (?) in his office due to fire near San Diego. Did not lose the house, but is without power. He is such a great guy, and I feel for him. He loves Idaho, but now has a high power job. We also have an annual football bet on Washington vs. Oregon. They play this weekend and we are tied. The winner goes up 2, which means a certain tie at least. Big game. Hope he can take defeat better this year!

For lunch today, The Dude is doing a farewell lunch for a good friend who also has cancer. Forced to retire. He invited me, but it is not a subject I care to hear any more about! Seriously, I just do not want to return to the office until my own procedure is done and the results are written. I feel good again today and hope I can finish up the hose work. Those valves sure are in awkward places for working.

Don't know if I will see The Dude anytime today. I sure miss him the days we are totally apart. He helps my spirits greatly, and that is key I am told. He is funny, warm, and really caring. While I very much enjoy having time at home, it does tend to drag. When I complete the chores, there is time left over. Not used to this! Likely will spend time thinking about our BIZ, but may be too cold to do it in the redwood rocker. Nice perching place!

Feeling good this lovely morning. Last couple of days of warm weather before the front hits. Have to bring in stuff tomorrow, probably. Always hits about the time change. Anyway, I will enjoy today. Would be nice to hit the Dock today one more time.

The countdown to surgery has begun. I am trying not to think about it and to enjoy the time I have off before Monday. It obviously is not a happy time, and yet the cells should be removed, which is a good thing. I like the doctor, like the hospital, and am hoping for the absolute best.

I regret that The Dude and I have made so little progress on the Biz. We both seem comfortable with the other guy and his abilities, but my bud has been very busy, and I sort of have other things on the mind, too. Hope this week to make more progress. We spent time last week on the rules for my time off, so I am hoping that is settled and I have a calmer week. Taking my pills regularly. Also ready to charge 200 on the diet. It always looks better on the weekends, then rises on Monday. Not sure why, as I am no longer eating extra stuff since the weekends are now just regular days. Once again Sunday I failed to finish the dinner planned and turned in. Get pretty sleepy early from the relaxation and the strong pills. We will find out Tuesday if the pills are doing the job.

I made a good start today and have the small chores all done. Have taken a short walk, cleaned the computer, and fussed. I have nothing on the schedule today, so it would be a great period for some time in the rocker with my notebook. So far have notebook and pen, but nothing written! Ah, but something thought at least.

While this time in a way is peaceful, with the office stuff and the medical stuff, there is not a single day without any decision to make. I think the course is pretty obvious by now, but the neighbors mention of seeing another doctor tosses in an angle. I suspect it will come back today. Hope more reasons are offered. I suppose seeing any additional doctor is a cannot lose, but I would like more specifics.

Anyway, hope this week is a big winner. I believe The Dude finishes up his extra shifts today, which is great news. He works himself very hard, and I very much respect him. He is frankly a terrific person and highly valued. Would like to do lunch for him.

It is an hour earlier than it says. I seem to have extra time today! Sure would like to spend it over coffee and biz with The Dude. Did not see him yesterday and missed that. However, I was somewhat productive. Enjoyed some reading and a college football game, even if we lost big at home. Also spent some quality time in "our" coffee shop.

I continue to think about life. My future is so much up in the air, and I have another week before reality hits. Supposed to be nice for a few days, then cold. Always turns nasty this time yearly. The kids are usually out in rain and cold, oh not really, but it seems that way.

It came back to me that several days ago in this space I mentioned The Dude and I should consider a trip to Europe, an area I much enjoyed as a child and later young adult. I broached the subject, but had no response from my dear bud. Not sure why. Doubt if it was lack of interest. Not really sure. At any rate, it still seems to be a fine idea. We could use an outing that would enlarge our biz ideas.

Turned out to be another beautiful autumn day. Just returned from another outing, and it is very nice outside. Our Falls here are great, and this one falls right into line.


Went for coffee and shopping. Drank inside for a change and had a quiet time. Thought about our business, but really made little progress. Then walked over to The Coop. Did a slow pace thru the store and could not help but think that it was incomplete. The store belongs to The Dude and me. We scouted together, we joined together, we ate lunch together, we enjoyed the deck together, it was always for us. And he did not join me today. I probably concentrated more on the food, but it does not matter. The emotions got the better of me. I did very much enjoy the trip, but the wait in the coffee shop produced no dude.

Walked downtown for the final Farmers Market. Good crowd, nice pace, usual friendly faces. Always enjoy meeting the producers and sampling. Did not buy today, however. Also ran into the Mad Scientist and his wife. They promised something for me this coming week. They also said I was missed at work. I responded it did not seem so when I was there, but they say there is more sentiment than I ever realized. It is hard enough to get any sentiment out of The Dude, my best friend, much less other employees. Hope they are right. Anyway, good to see them.

You know, I live in a "forested" area too, much like the area around The Coop. It felt good to ride home and see the lovely oranges. Lifted my spirits, as we discussed before. I am trying to enjoy whatever. Although I missed The Dude on our usual Saturday outing, I made the best of it. And this PM my football team is on the tube from my old stomping grounds of the Northwest. Be good to see it again. The game might be tough, but the view should be great.

So life goes on. Reminds me of all the changes The Dude and I have made. Saturday is just nothing like it used to be, and I much prefer it now. Hope to keep it all going, no matter what. Each weekend gets better and better. And, I am afraid, more and more lonesome. Oh, well.

Early Saturday morning and already back from the first yard sale. Rather chilly, but not bad. Very pretty. Feeling good after a nice sleep. And the weekend is always welcome.

Have heard nothing from The Dude. When he reads this, he will learn that I am only three BIG ones from the "magic" 200 level, our first goal. He was here some time ago, and then again when he cheated. Now he claims to be way below. But I continue to slog along and continue to head towards our goal around 170. Am already halfway there, since our "fight" at lunch many moons ago and our vows to get in shape. Yes, I give The Dude credit for staging that fight and getting me off my butt, which now is a much smaller size.

Yes, it is nearly time for the usual Saturday run to The Coop and the coffee shop. Will likely be too chilly to sit outside, but the interior is very cheery. I have heard nothing from The Dude, as he worked an extra shift last night. He will do what he can. I would very much enjoy seeing him and beginning a serious discussion of our BIZ, which seems to have tanked this week. Would like to at least do the parameters. I ran into my friend Gene at the sale, and I had to admit we seem a long ways from a going firm right now. Not sure if my bud wants it this way, or perhaps we just had some misunderstandings. We shall see. I have another week to the operation and some time afterwards to make it all better. But at least I will be thinner. I am recalling the scene a week ago when this very cute younger dude checked me out again and again. This diet is not all sacrifice!

Good Friday morning. Almost lost some plants today, as it is nearly freezing. Decided it was not worth gaining a few more days by bringing it all inside. Supposed to warm up soon, as it usually does in late October. Things look OK. Also pleased to report the same weight, a significant loss due to the vows made by myself and The Dude. He still is ahead, but the real key (damnit) is for both to keep going down.

It was an interesting Thursday. The Dude's blog announces he has returned to the dead meat biz, after a few years serving live bodies. They may tip better, but that is a small detail! I know he was good at the job. The Dude is having some problems, and I applaud his sincere efforts to help himself. One of his better qualities in my opinion. I think folks should do for themselves if able.

On the other hand, The Dude is a person I care about a great deal. And I think it works both ways. He has shown an interest in a business with me, and I have warmed to the idea. Now that I am preparing for surgery, it seems a good time to explore further. True the surgery may not turn out well, but I have to be positive and use this time for the future, not the past. At any rate, I have been working at it steadily.

But yesterday two things came up. I submitted a lengthy questionnaire to The Dude to get him thinking more precisely on some biz questions. The reply was, though he tried, he might not be able to answer some issues for 10 f... years. Well I must admit there is an age difference, so those years mean more to moi. I was most surprised he thought it would take us so long to get our act together.

And second, The Dude announced he has taken a THIRD job, so what does that do to time, and maybe more important to motivation? We seem to have very little now. I am in a position right this minute to make some real progress, while he seems to be headed for the past.

In summary, I think The Dude realizes how much I value him and look forward to building a biz. There is no one I would prefer and no one who seems to do more for me. He has been great during my illness. So have some others, but he is far and away #1. So it is natural I would like to do something into the future. The reaction seems to be, and maybe I do not understand, that YOU generate the winning ideas, and I may or may not sign on. I had expected more discussion and searching, together much as we would manage the firm later. It is frankly a puzzle. While I realize he has immediate issues with the family, I have immediate issues of another type.

So we begin a "long weekend." I am hoping he has the time for lunch today, as he suggested. And also for our weekly long coffee break. We sorely need to hash things out. And I am a big believer that positive, happy moments will help my illness. Seeing him is always a happy moment. Even in arguments, we seem to become closer.

Oh, I have been asked in a way to correct a mis-statement in a previous blog. I made an offer to help The Dude rent his cottage. The reply was that a loan is still a debt, so no thanks. What I meant to say was that if the rental works out, he might repay me from the proceeds. If it does not, I do not expect repayment. It is my gift to my best friend. No debt owed. Hope that clears up my thinking, Dude.

Off to a slower start this morning. It is already 9:30, and I am just getting the cleanups done and really starting the day. Sure I love not being out the door at 7, and sure I would love not having cancer. Go figure!

Yesterday ended with a chat with the neighbor, and the topic quickly became treatments. His wife, the DR, knows of some options. She is not back yet, but he suggested a dude near my other doctors. I will give this some thought. I feel we are too close to surgery to try another approach, but I may well talk with her before closing any doors. Not a subject I know much about, and a DR opinion surely counts for something.

I have heard from The Dude today. Always enjoy his e mails. The subject was placing an ad to try to sublet his cottage before the payment must go in. We discussed it yesterday, he cut the words, and I said I would pay for it. The Dude's answer is to run. While that is not an awful answer, I think we should try other options. I suggested begin driven to various boards and putting up cards.

Anyway, The Dude told me it just was not worth it, and he would not run an ad even if I paid the bill. Well, he is a smart guy and usually very principled. But on this subject, we do not agree. And since I am paying, why not? On the one hand I sure got an honest call on the odds. On the other hand, if I want to do it, why not?

Turns out The Dude has a temper. Oh, did I know this. But in my younger days, so did I. In fact, The Dude picks better topics for arguments than I ever did. Salute! But maturity teaches something, and I do things now that would have been "forbidden" a few years ago. Sometimes one needs to listen.

Again, I salute The Dude for principle. And I am going along this time. But there may come a time when I simply must act. Hope he understands the motivation and goes along. If not, I am doing my best for us. If he agrues, too bad. I can only recall a single agrument, which he later admitted was totally staged. As a result, we both started diets. He always brags about his fine results, while I just shut up and starve. I have done mighty fine, and he is doing even better. No loss there for either side. He looks great, and I sure feel better. It is a natural time to lose, and I am taking full advantage. While it is true that being ill can encourage a careless attitude on food, I am not letting it. Still sticking to the same principles we were following, and I am knocking on 200. The Dude is already there (twice I believe!) and going down. Bravo. He looks so good. But the real key is not the speed, but the belief in what we are doing and in sticking in there. We both can take credit here.

I am unsure about doing lunch with The Dude today. Does not look good. It is the high point of my day now, and I regret ever missing it. But we are a team, and if he has needs, I just accept it.

It is another lovely morning. They say much colder Thursday with frost. So I plan to enjoy another day "off" to try to get the cancer calmed down! Ultimately it is myself and my enemy, and I am playing for a victory. I believe good thoughts and happiness help, and I am told the same by survivors. I have some great co-workers, great doctors, and a great Dude. How can I lose? At least that is the theory.

Tuesday was a very busy day, with a great lunch break and several calls from work. I am hoping the records will be fixed up today so we can see the financial deals and whatever. Of course I do what I can on the PC and try to follow necessary forms. In fact, the lack of background and the slower pace are very comforting. I am sleeping well and taking my medication on schedule. Mornings start off slowly, not at 5:30 as usual. Very nice way to do a day.

As for today, I have several irons in the fire at work and with The Dude. I have the health and the time to do what is asked and to volunteer to help my best bud. It is a pleasure to do something for him, and I am trying my damnedest to do so. He is a bit over-stressed these days, which I fully understand, and that is where another dude can step in and carry the water. Not even a decision. I vowed long ago to just do what I could, regardless, without any thought of my own data or even wanting to get involved. No decisions needed.

Anyway, I am hoping to see The Dude at the dock today on the last really warm day. With life back on track (oh, one big exception), let's make the best of the deal and enjoy what we can. I have never felt better about where we are or where we are going. Strange, eh? They say challenge brings action, and I sure have moved to the front line.

So, we kick off a calm day. I hope events continue to go so well. How strange to say that. I have heard the horror stories. Well, I vowed to survive and keep up the fight, with The Dude. If not, he will have everything and can make his own calls. He is smart enough to do the right thing, even without my topnotch advice!

Today has been one lovely day. It is now after 5 and still beautiful, still, and warm enough. The leaves are turning, and my "estate" has plenty of them. They are very nice this year.

It has been a social day. I had calls from two people at work to see how I am doing. One works directly in our area, while the other works in the main office. Both were concerned, interested, and most helpful. Illness does make one feel alone, and while I keep busy, the phone call is a nice interruption.

Had lunch with The Dude. We went to The Coop as usual. I had my fav sandwich, while TD shopped. Unlike other people, he does not ask much about the illness and sticks to our future business projects. It is a nice change to be asked about courses of action and not treated like a soiled project. While I do very much appreciate calls of symphony, calls for direction mean a great deal. We ate lunch, chatted of course, and bought some stuff for his mom's birthday. As usual, we ran out of time quickly. In fact, he requested a form which I prepared during the afternoon. Have not yet received it. It covers parameters of our future concern. He was trying to claim I had not spent much time on it. Well, I showed The Dude who really cared! I also agreed to help him sublet his apt. It, along with an ailing auto, is keeping him from moving ahead. I promised to handle it for him. Anything simple WE can do!

Now to the evening. I have found the pills make me sleepy pretty early, but I also get up early and put in a full day. It has been a good one, with loads of positive thinking, which everyone says is needed. My knowledge of breast cancer is limited, so I pick up what I can. The Dude's great caring and concern mean so much, and I cannot thank him enough. We continue to stay on course, meaning he is losing as we speak. Hope he has some cake tonight! He is doing too well, while I just struggle. Just kidding. He looks fantastic. I am so proud of him.

The weekend began on a sunny, warm note. It was a lovely Saturday. In fact, I had an extra cup of dark roast at our coffee shop. Turns out refills are free. We did not know that! Did not see The Dude nor hear. Missed him like hell. But if I go through the same routine, he is almost there. Almost, but not.

I shopped The Coop as usual. Got mostly cat food. Hope the beasts like the natural stuff. Costs more, but a friend is worth it. Walked down to the bus stop with the bags. Noticed a dude walking with a girl along the same street. When you have had a medical procedure, you perhaps begin to doubt yourself, if you know what I mean. Well, this dude, who was wearing shorts and an open shirt, could not keep his eyes off me. He turned and stared time after time. It was getting very intense. I am still not sure the role of the girl, but she seemed to make no difference to him. He only stopped when we got over a block away. Yes, it was awkward, but very meaningful. I felt GREAT.

Read the new Sunset, a magazine I have grown to love for its common sense advice on keeping an attractive house and its travel tips, although I do not use them. Nice afternoon on the porch, and I had a blast.

Spent the evening watching PBS. Their Saturday lineup, while reruns, is always entertaining. I enjoy the European travel show, as it is not a repeat. The previous show was replaced by new material. Anyway, I got to thinking that The Dude and I really should do a trip. It would be costly between us, but we could learn so much and perhaps pick up BIZ ideas. I have been there twice before with my parents, but not for many years. In fact, my college roommate did the same trip the same year, but we only met once. Anyway, much has changed, and I think The Dude could really help himself by making such a learning run. We will have to discuss how to make this happen.

Well, time to make a go of Sunday. While the fan gets hit hard tomorrow, I am planning a happy day. With the long stares that nothing has changed, plus the positive news from work HR, I plan to enjoy myself. Not sure if The Dude has any time. Would be nice to work in an activity. When one is wrapped up in medical stuff, a change of pace to normal life is really nice. And it is another beautiful day.

Up very early on a Saturday morning, but the meds make me sleepy very early as well. Slept quite well. Maybe a nap later? Friday was an interesting day. Had a call, not from the DR about the x-rays, but from the H R person at work. She proposed I take the next 2 weeks off until the operation, do the medical stuff, and then take another look at the situation. This is pretty much what I wanted all along, so I accepted. The final decision is up to the Big Boss next week, but so far so good.

I told The Dude right away, who seemed pleased. Since he did not propose a plan for our Biz or even an idea, he was happy to be off the hook at this time. While I loved his support and encouragement during the ordeal, we MUST work on our plan more seriously to be ready for whatever. I have not changed my mind one bit about wanting us to form a firm. He remains my #1 and only choice for a fun/profitable BIZ.

So we come to the weekend. Usually The Dude and I have coffee at the shop and walk over to The Coop for groceries. With his extra shifts, it has been tough to reach him. He may have left work early Friday, but he sent a couple of nice e mails with some mysterious initials, perhaps a response to the ones I used?

Anyway, I am getting ready to go over there. Hopefully The Dude will give me a ride. If not, I will be there at the usual time. I am planning a serious BIZ session, and I would prefer to have The Dude available to begin to work out something. We have good intentions, a couple of good hearts, and a couple of empty heads. We need MORE. And I want that, and we will have that.

Up very early this morning. Feeling a bit sharper after a somewhat slow day reading the latest Vegetarian Times, a dynamite mag The Dude gave me. He seems to know what is needed, and I appreciate him.

Yesterday brought a few calls. The work situation seems to bother some friends, who made suggestions and asked me to do this or that. Frankly the health issues bother me more right now, so I am only thinking over the other areas. However, the concern expressed and the gratitude for my efforts made the day.

I slept very well last night. With the work pressures easing, I seem to be doing better. The DR may call today with the x ray results, if there is something to discuss. I only saw one of the photos. We set the operation for 2 weeks off, time needed due to the DR's schedule. Could even be day surgery, if I get lucky. So I have 3 weekends and 2 plus weeks to goof off, which will be fun.

Today looks a bit slow. Hope to receive my prize. I also have invited The Dude to the dock, our fav lunch place. He says that eating lunch hurts his diet. Frankly, he is looking darn good and I highly respect that. I also feel the need to at least say hello and discuss future business plans. Lunch seems to do it best, with his nights handling pizza. But the pace now seems to be in his hands, so I just wait for indications. He knows I care and will try to work around whatever is bothering him. We both are under stress, but if we stay together, we will be winners in the end. It means a great deal to have him out there somewhere.

So on to Friday. In these times, each day is a new adventure. I just try to handle the hits and get some needed rest. Keeping the faith is perhaps the #1 thing.

It is a cloudy, cool morning, but promising to warm up for several days. I have been busy and am enjoying the greyness. Another good sleep, and another morning with the 2 beasts, who have become even closer lately.

Yesterday kind of proved a peak in activity. I had the chest x rays taken first thing and sent to the dr. Will hear shortly about the cancer operation and followup therapy. He does not know the extent of the damage and won't until he goes in. That will likely be next week. Should know shortly.

And I had a phone discussion of my work situation. Was pushed to make a decision. I requested to stay on SL until the medical was clearer, and my supervisor denied this option. I felt with all the questions and stress, that getting out from under was the only option. Staying around awhile is my preferred option!

I also have a rift with The Dude. He may feel extra pressure with my situation going on, and he is trying to recover from his divorce. Of course I understand where he is, and he should understand how much I care and am willing to work with. But somehow we failed to express these feelings very well. It pains me, as I too have other issues to handle. Just be there for now until we get the issues contained. We are not able to make career decisions, just discuss the options. Hope to see him soon.

And so I am off to do chores again and await the calls. I may well have business calls and possibly some personal ones. I am hoping for a quieter day than the life-altering Wed. I went thru. Things seem out of my control now, so I am keeping on keeping on.

Today turned out to be the Decision Day in my life. I am still awaiting word from my dr. concerning when surgery will be required. He wants an overnight in the near future. So, as planned, I stayed home today to get additional tests at the hospital. Before the matter got worked out, I was called from work. After a discussion, I was asked for a decision concerning returning to work quickly. I responded that I would like to wait for all the tests and surgery before making a commitment. I was told this was not possible and that I have used more than enough time. Of course I do not control my dr. and do not presume to trample on his rights as my medical person. Anyway, given that I did not have complete information, I opted to leave my position and pursue medical treatment. My former boss seemed pleased, and that was that.

Frankly, it has been a very nice day at Acorn Cottage. I have been doing the little things. One goal is a complete clearning, which is underway. Another is a little fussing, and that is for sure underway. I have e mailed The Dude a couple of times. He is tired from extra work, so this is not prime time. I told him I wanted to begin discussions, not make final decisions, on our future. Not every moment is perfect for all parties. His agreement is so important that we will start when we can start. I did not have any further word on this point.

Also e mailed a couple of other friends who are studying the situation. One is a benefits law pro. We are a bit confused what happened, but so far no further word. I am ready to wrap up the afternoon shift at AC and begin the news. I have enjoyed being home. Lots of interesting mail. Several nice notes from The Dude, who always is a pleasure.

I would like to delay the surgery until next week to fully absorb what just occurred. I wanted to stay on SL, of which there is plenty. But this was denied. So I am beginning the rest of my life. While I have been away for several days already, the decision seems to clear the deck for my new profession and partnership with my dear friend The Dude. Hope he can see his own way clear to get into the discussion.

It has been cloudy, but not cold. Autumn is in the air for sure. A life change takes time to sink in. I have been at my present job for 11 years without much of a break. Now that I am making another change, I have a better idea of the problems and how to start off strong. The first negative reaction was a shock, I must admit, but we both are undergoing changes. I feel it is better to give it time, get thru my surgery, and go from there. I may also need further treatments, which depend upon the exploration. Not a pretty picture, but I am doing better and adjusting to the new world. A challenge can also be stimulating.

This is an odd day each year. The office is closed, but so many places remain open. I am feeling good today, more rested each day and more at peace with the world. Sunday was a fine day, with nice visits and some watering. The tiredness makes the days shorter than usual, but I try to pack in the same stuff.

My visit with the Writer was lovely. He showed real concern, and I am thrilled he has chosen writing for his career. He is personable and smart, a dude with a bright future. I hope we can share more on future visits. I love my writing, and spend time thinking how best to convey this blog to whomever has access.

Today sure is up in the air. Of course I would love to spend time with The Dude. We always have a great time and share whatever. His company means a great deal. But his life is in the air, in play, as well, and when we cannot work it out between ourselves, we do other things. He must know how much I miss him and hope he can find some extra time.

I suppose today will come down to the basics, the washing, the watering, the resting. I have made good progress over the weekend and hope to be ready Tuesday for whatever hits. Of course you never really are, but does it matter? I am no longer in control, and I accept it. Not a really bad position. Sometimes there is someone bigger who takes over directly.

Nice afternoon, sunny and a bit warmer. Have been in another world most of the day, the world that separates the important and unimportant. The world that notifies you who is worthwhile and who can be skipped. The world that tells you who really cares about you and who is just standing around.

I talked to the fine young dude who lives across the street and attends the University. Did not realize he is an English/writing major. How exciting for me, a published author himself. Anyway, the dude was here to attend his grandmother's funeral. I barely knew her, but she was always pleasant. The man's father died recently of brain cancer, after a short and courageous battle. I shared my own "fate," and he seemed to identify. He told the remaining family members, who all understood. He is a fine young man with a bright future. Hope in some way I can be of help. He said his writing had gone dry. Easy to identify with that, and also perhaps can be overcome. I hope to spend more time in the near future with him. We have discussed getting together several times, but never seem to do so.

Anyway, he is facing life and death. Losing his father was very hard. His dad was a larger than life figure, and he drew much publicity when he passed. I attended the services and watched my friends try to cope. The dude seemed the most collected.

I have spent Sunday trying to pull things together. Did some yardwork, chatted with a few neighbors, and tried to settle my own mind on day 3. Did not hear from The Dude or others close to me. I suppose a person's trials should not "force" anyone to contact them. Never worked that way for me. But I like to hear something from The Dude each day to know he is OK and making his own progress. A crisis seems to make one care even more, and I spent time sorting worthwhile from chaf. Really a nice day. I am coping better than expected with the "Big C" and again finding my own way to handle this crisis. Of course if the Dr hands out the final sentence Tuesday, it may be much harder. However, so many have been "sentenced" only to fight on for years. I am not a quitter and have every reason to continue the battle. But then my priorities will have changed, and some will be left behind. There is no need to drag along people who do nothing for me.

There is a famous saying about "crossing the Rubicon." Guess my passage arrived Thursday. Things seem so much clearer. I can identify with the eternity of life, the other souls who lived and died in this world. Time is not unlimited, and there comes a point to make known what is important to oneself, the who and the what. I hope The Dude appreciates it. He is probably too young. He has lost nobody, so does not have any experience. And I do not mean dead, hopefully, just folks who have somehow moved on. I will need him even more in the days ahead, at least emotionally.

Just returned from a walk. The day is windy, but lovely. Maybe they all are these days? I tried to find a mailbox and was unable to do so in a wide area. So many have been removed over the years. We used to have them every couple of blocks.

Anyway, I was concentrating on the New Life. I feel good today, but a bit tired once again. Saw a few neighbors and recalled Pat, who was so very kind to her new neighbor sixteen years back. I will miss her positive attitude and ready coffeepot. She was one of the treasures of this area and had been for some 75 plus years. Hard to picture that these days.

My theme this afternoon is how values change when time looks limited. The Dude spends his time handing out parking passes and, yes, tickets. It is his job, after all. And I spend mine filing in the right folder and getting dates/amounts correct. We are paid so to do. And yet, when the end comes, as it may for me - do not know yet - does it really matter? The Dude is darn good at his job and very caring, a perfect employee. And yet he is a great dad, a good cook, and a fast learner. He is so much more as a person than a traffic monitor. We seem to be paid for such a small percent of our skills, and such a small percent usually is required.

Why did I have to get sick so that people could really lay it on the line to me? And why did I get sick before I could tell them the truth as I see it? A few, like TD, knew most things before this,but with other people I value we stick to filing and payments - that is what we do!

I say to my dear friend that what is really important seems to be the people we value, the places that provide comfort, the long-lasting good we can do, and the support we can give our fellow humans. Getting the paperwork right somehow seems less so today. Oh, yes, I can go back and get it right again, but not with the same precision as before. I have considered a lifetime, a resume, and what it all means. There is much more to be said on this topic alone.

Since I have not seen Dr S, I do not know exactly where things stand. There are some positive signs, and I am always hopeful. But the holiday provides the time to consider pros and cons. I regret every negative comment, every criticism, every sharp word. And if there is any gift I can give The Dude, it is my experience as we sum up life so far. Whether or not he pays any attention, it is there for him to see. And if he is as smart as I give him credit to be, he will listen. It is the only lasting gift with real value. There will be others, dear friend, but this is the real deal.

Wow! Just read the Sunday newspaper. Another neighnbor has died. She was an elderly woman who retired many years ago. We shared her 2 tiny dogs, love of coffee, and the 3D puzzles. She was always funny, smiling, and loving, though very private. I did not see her much, but enjoyed every minute.

That makes 3 in 2 years, and a fourth neighbor had a serious stroke, so we never see him. Sure changes your thinking. We lived together for years, about the same, and then things happen. I am one of the newer dudes on the block. The lady lived with her dad in that house and never moved. That makes many moons. While we were not really close, she was a part of our family and will be sorely missed. I tend to highly value neighborhoods and remember it all.

As for myself, I am getting on with today's life. Time to complete my medical form, slowly and carefully. One really could use advice in these situations, but must do the best possible. I do have a friend in the benefits biz, so could talk to him. Also I believe he reads this blog. Probably not a national trend, but an "in" thing to do. The day is lovely, but clearly cooler. I do not have big plans, but sure hope The Dude has some time. Lunch would be great.

Despite somewhat dire events coming up, I need to get back to normal and our biz plans. I am not giving up on a satisfying career, but the medical problems will not help. We need to spend time going over our plans and seeing what is needed. We both know folks with useful into and may need more advice now.

I have been thinking about the stages a life covers. Guess I have been lucky to have had so few real problems until middle age, or advanced youth! I have lived as I always have, and plan to continue if given the chance. But recently so much has changed, thanks to the gift of a beautiful soul into my life. I do not plan any changes, just more of that. Feeling as good as ever and hope to keep on keepin' on. Positive thinking goes a long way, and perhaps this period is meant to refocus my life in a more positive way. I have relatives who have lived very long lives, so the genes are promising.

First thing Sunday morning. Wrote zip yesterday. Busy and restless day. Had a long phone call from the Field Representative, who pretty much knew what was going on. The FR used to be my best friend, and we still care. He nearly changed professions himself, so he understands this time of life well. He showed great concern, and I enjoyed hearing from him. We shared many lunches and, frankly, secrets at work. Despite recent drifts, we remain close.

After the call, I made The Coop party. Started with a cup of dark roast, then tried the booths. Most were beers, which I tried, but the cups were small. Bought some stuff and bussed home. Never met up with The Dude, who had his late shift. Sure hope the tips picked up. He has been struggling lately, and I am concerned for him.

Read and watched TV, then turned in early. I find the medical stuff tires me out, and I do not even try to keep awake. Slept fine once again with no pills. Hope we are now passed them. I remain feeling good this Sunday morning. The landscape sure has changed for me, and my thoughts have moved to the new challenge. I am also reminded how much my thoughts changed before I left work. The FR found mistakes I would never mormally make. Hope the staff realizes I have been ill.

I also received forms to use to report this incident. Never did so before, as it seemed harmless enough. Live and learn. Still unsure what caused my situation, but one never can be totally sure. I am not waiting until the late Tuesday appt. In the meantime, hope to have some fun over the long weekend. Do not know if The Dude will be able to call. He helps me so much in many ways, but he has a life. I only wish for him the very best he can be.

So on with Sunday. Looks like good weather, first leaves falling, and seasons changing. These days I just never know what lies ahead. Would be fun to do The Coop again, or whatever. Enjoy company and a chance to change the subject. I am hoping my positive feelings are helpful, and am going with the flow. Every event helps us learn and teaches a new karma. I am trying to learn from the new procedures and not to dwell on the other options. I am always a positive dude and plan to learn to make a better person. I hope The Dude can see our problems the same way and keep thinking about our new course.

Oops. I wrote nothing Thursday, THE big day for medical procedures. Just too busy and unsettled. I now think setting a 3:30 time was too late. The whole day was wasted. The procedure was to fix an internal leak. When the dr went in, he found instead a cancer. We will know more with lab results Tuesday. I had been told this was a very small threat, but I guess large enough! We will hold a powwow late in the day, and The Dude is invited because they want a friend along. He readily agreed. Looks like some form of operation. I worried about this event most of today, then decided that it is too late in the game to do something other than what Dr S suggests. I also chatted with my supervisor on the phone, and she supports the course I am taking. Had visits with others, too, and went to lunch as usual with The Dude. He writes in his excellent and well researched blog the facts about dying worldwide. I prefer not to consider these facts myself. Even if it is not terribly late, it is not late enough for me EVER.

On Thursday, The Dude collected me around dinner time. Since I was restricted to liquid, we each selected a soup and blended them. Tasted just excellent, and I ended up with leftovers. Also highly symbolic of how our lives have come together. Don't know if he considered this aspect, but I sure did. When you have just been told of cancer, you hold on to anything. We visited The Dude's ex and their son, who went home with us. He is a great kid, and frankly the new guy is also a fine fellow. I am so proud of how well The Dude is taking changes. He always makes me proud.

Anyway, he dropped me off early, and I turned in. The staff had warned me about various problems, but I had none and slept well. In fact, I turned in right away and was snoozing until well into the morning. No problems so far at all, but I had medication in case.

So I have been thinking things over today and trying to get paperwork in order. People have been very nice to me. Had lunch with The Dude and enjoyed every minute. We tried a new place and had a great lunch. We are both going strong veggies, and I have seen zero cheating. I just could not ever lie to him, even if I changed my mind. So far, so good. He lost more lbs and looks better and better. Since his good fortune is equal to my own, I feel so proud of him. Jealous a bit, yes, but awfully pleased how he has lost so easily.

We have reached Friday night. Nothing new until Tuesday, so a weekend to fuss. I remain busy, if in a pickle. As I told The Dude earlier, now is coming a new beginning for me. Please let me know how I am doing and what could be done better. Whatever time I have, I want it to be the best of my life. Positive thinking.

THE day has arrived, the operation. I slept fairly well and am up and waking up for the procedure. Was called twice last night with questions and some answers. Glad to see they are so professional. I feel somewhat better about things, but probably would prefer to have it all over. Cannot eat real food all day, but that should help the diet. The Dude is again claiming a big lead.

This is a strange period. The accident was not my fault, and I do not understand why healing is so tough. But yesterday The Dude took me antique shopping. Had not realized before he knows anything about the subject. In fact, he passed the test with flying colors. I should realize we share so many things. It is a wonder. Always learn and enjoy. Perhaps it works the other way, too?

Today The Dude will help me with the procedure. It is a first for us both, so we will have to bob and weave. Is it worse to be the "victim" or the enabler? Perhaps neither? But since there is no choice, we just go with the flow. Probably not much will get done beforehand, but rest is good. And my expectations of starting to heal and recover sound very, very good.

So on to the little chores to keep my focus away from the big brick place down the street. Good to hear from my bud already. He remains a rock, and we have bonded in the bad times. Just wait for our biz!

Yet another nice morning. Clear and cool, just how autumn should be. Butterscotch and I slept in again today. She can be quite good about respecting others, and it is a treat to wake up with her soft fur in my face!

I continue to feel better, more rested and a bit more ready to continue the housecleaning. While I am not jumping ropes, I am getting used to the change in pace and how best to organize a day I usually give someone else. When I ran my own writing business, there were many days like this, but the rewards other than personal were small. I must be careful to avoid that trap.

Heard from The Dude late Tuesday. Nice e mail explaining he shopped for furniture during our lunch. Bought one piece, which he named and marked a "page" for me. Of course I had to check it out, and the collection being offered. Superb choice. Asian in taste, but not fussy and overdone. I like it and look forward to more in his nice home. He also indicated a desire to go sofa shopping with me, which was great to see. Amazing someone so similar in taste. We have to fake arguments just to liven things up!

I feel good today. My friend Paul thinks the surgery Thursday will be effective. He has had many health problems and should know. He also deals in employee coverage issues. His opinion means a bunch.

I am planning about the same today. Already looking for further cleaning to do, but also concerned about the b p and not wanting to raise anything. While I am a bit worried about going into the hospital, it finally should be over, except for recovery. That will likely feel good, too.

I am hoping The Dude will consider lunch today at the pond. With the days cooling off, the outdoors seating likely will close soon. Would be a nice sendoff to the hospital stay tomorrow. Still unsure if he will help me, but I am hoping. A closeness would mean a great deal. Just being able to feel The Dude nearby would be a great relief, much less not having to stumble home.

Well, time to kick off this SL day. Sad to say, the swelling is about the same. I keep hoping for healing by itself, but so far nothing. The newspaper today had a picture of one of my fav employees from the sandwich area of The Coop. Nice picture, great guy. He makes some good stuff. Have not been there so far this week, but hope to join The Dude Saturday for coffee and the Octoberfest.

Nice morning. The days are cooling off this week, but still pretty good. I slept in, as I was awake early and decided for more rest. With all going on, the extra shuteye is pleasant. Butterscotch joined me for a few hours. She is a very sweet animal and no problem.

I spent Monday entirely alone. Seemed a great time to begin serious cleaning. Last winter I spilled wax on the carpet, so I made a project of melting it off. Seemed to work out, though everything is wet today. Also cleaned the laundry room, the first such effort in around 15 years. The house feels good, although cleaning is a constant struggle. Have to get a start on it.

Read the first entry today by The Dude. He made a decision on getting a tatoo. I do not know what the figure would have been or how big, but I generally cheer the decision. Most I have seen do not fit the person, the situation, or the character. Spur of the moment ideas. The Dude always uses good judgment.

I have made notes on The Dude's job proposals. Since they are his, probably have much more to them. One I still do not get, and he can explain the rest further. They sound intriguing and promising, just need fleshing out. Time to do that.

Our market The Coop is sponsoring a party Saturday. I have the flier. Hope he can go with. I have this problem after the procedure of passing out, it seems. There is so much concrete all around, and besides, what then? Do not want to get hurt or be acting stupid. I am told it wears off the first day, but cannot be sure. Having my best friend with me would be well worth it. I can see a nice lunch and a p-a-r-t-y right afterwards. Hope he can make the schedule.

As far as that goes, I think The Dude promised my boss he would collect me from the hospital on Thursday. If I am still alive and awake, perhaps dinner out would be pretty neat. I cannot see trying to cook, or even bothering. Just do not know how I will feel. Whatever, some help would be great. No one does it better.


Today looks pretty good. More cleaning and gardening to be done, for sure. I have asked The Dude to do the dock today. Should be a good temp. I feel better and better each day and would enjoy something different. We have much to review.

This period creates much learning daily. The insurance appeals are under review today. I just cannot see losing them with the facts as they are, but the delay may be a factor. I know so litte about insurance anyway. The injury seems about the same. Had hoped for a turnaround, but not seen yet. Yes, I am a bit worried about the procedure and possibly being there alone. It seems people are willing to give lip service, shall we say, to best wishes, good luck, etc. Then when asked to step up to the plate, have too busy lives to do a thing. Hurts my feelings, but such is life. I know The Dude is not that way. We are too committed to each other to let problems get in the way.

I was told yesterday I won something on line. Probably a cash drawing. If there is anything to it, I plan to share with The Dude. The on-line quizzes are one aspect that is due to his influence, and I enjoy them greatly, plus the chance to win cash. Another good thing he has done for me.

It has been a smashing Saturday, even if some problems arose. Lovely temp, no wind, etc. The cat mat in front looked so good I decided to check Winco for a back mat. Found a plain one, which works because the cover is shorter. Often wet back there. Managed to fill a couple of bags, too, which made the load big and heavy. So I waited in the usual place for the bus only to find the route had changed without signs. I waited for 2 cycles until another bus took me downtown, and then on home. Thought of calling The Dude, but he has his own things to do. Made me pretty mad, but could be managed. Someone said they are trying out a new route which actually would have been better. But who knew?

Anyway, I made it home in time for my favorite TV shows on Channel 4. Saturday night has some travel films, which arise in me a desire to do and see. If I can calm down enough, all will be OK. The Dude is about ready to start his shift. He seems to enjoy his work, so I am happy for him. He does work lots of hours, but he sadly is facing bills right now. Of course I would help if asked, whatever, but I respect his judgment and ability to handle his debts. One of his many strong qualities.

As the coffee shop was then closed, I made a quick trip to the Coop and picked up the week in veggies. Not a problem, but I did buy some Oregon salmon, which The Dude omits. He was quite critical of this, but has muted the tone recently.

It was a pleasant trip. I purchased a new mat with 2 cats on it, a reminder of the survivors. Looks pretty cool, as so many have dogs on them. Also enjoyed a slow tour of the foods and a few visits. Pleasant place to shop, slow pace, always new stuff to review.

Frankly, I made a big discovery, which should have been obvious. The Coop is so much a joint venture with The Dude, the lunches, the card, the veggie diet, the clothes, etc., that alone is nearly unbearable. Of course we do not have the same schedule, and I know that, but Saturday has been OUR day, and today was not. I bought about the same stuff, but had no fun. The Dude swaps recipes, experiences, tips, etc. He is so much farther along the veggie route. There was no one and just a huge space. It worked out, but was no fun and I learned zip.

There is an autumn party there next Saturday. Hope he can go with. We went together to the last party and had a good time, even if the booths were skimpy. Would like to put down the next one.

Mail was also skimpy, so have a beautiful afternoon for more shopping or perhaps watering. The temp is perfect today, and I feel frisky. And of course if lunch is any possibility, I am still up for that. What a great day to celebrate life and our place in it.

Yet another great morning. As you know, Saturday is yard sale day, and I have the first one within an hour and another Sunday. Looking forward to just a few, then on to other matters. Feeling good today and ready to give the scale a try. Hope to keep the rapid loss going. I think getting below 200 will really rankle The Dude, who likes to be in charge. Well, if we both are winning, who really cares? OK, I do.

Yes we got together for lunch on Friday. Dude wanted Chinese veggie, which was great. Tasted fantastic. He looks so good with the weight coming off. We had a nice visit, and it was great to see him. Lunch made my day, which consisted of house cleaning, after I managed to fix the vacuum handle, which kept pulling off.

I was a bit upset that The Dude failed to suggest anything specific, but later on in e mail came a more detailed list of options. One I do not understand, but the others seem promising. We have similar interests, so I was not surprised the list was close to what I would do myself. I am taking the list to the coffee bar later this morning and mulling. Nice place to sit outside, view the bike traffic, and enjoy a dark brew. Hope The Dude will find a way to make it. But I am discovering whether he is actually someplace or not, he is on my mind. Guess we could do a lunch today, also. Have a bit more time. The Dock would be just superb!

As I have been in this position before, I find one learns more from being away than from being there. The reactions of co-workers, as much as I know, have been interesting. How few calls I have received has been a major surprise, although calls from management are another matter! I must say my best bud has been awesome. He has surely earned even more my trust and affection. We have had some great food and begun our plans for our own biz. If we were together more with our ability to light sparks, think of what we could do. And if he figures out how we can live to 120, even better. Hope I am still walking then!

Well, I plan to go over this e mail thoroughly and produce issues for him this morning. Always better at the coffee shop together, as is about everything. Always miss The Dude. But I will give it my best shot, then come home for yardwork and rest. I have to remember to get prepared for whatever occurs. Being treated is my goal now. After that, full speed ahead on the new biz.

P S Positively lovely outside. Still warm and windless. Just stepped outside to get a feel. Wonderful Friday. And perhaps best of all, I remain at the same weight. The contest with The Dude continues. He probably is still ahead, but his cheating really cost. He was at one time over 20 ahead. Doubt if still true. I got ticked at such a slow start and got serious. It is true he tends to buy weight loss stuff and eat whatever, or nothing, to lose, I continue to eat less, but regular meals. We are both meatless, but we have burgers, etc. The Dude first sought extreme measures. We both should know they are not any long-range answer. I am trying to find a menu that will continue, as quickie stuff only fails in the end. Believe me, I should know after dropping 80 big ones and regaining nearly the entire mound. Shame on moi.

Anyway, I think this is a terrific morning to invite my bud to the dock. We both love it and have good visits. Starts the weekend in the right way. And perhaps will start our visit about a future venture. Would enjoy sitting outside and looking at the pond. Nice, nice, nice. Hope The Dude calls and accepts. Looking forward to seeing him.

Friday off is always pleasant. Up early, but mostly because I turn in early these days as a reaction to the meds. I had a productive day Thursday, but never pushed it. Finally finished up the floor after 4 and called it good. There really is no rush. I have this period, plus whatever through the winter. The yard has stopped growing, even if it needs water.

Lunch with The Dude was pure pleasure. I enjoy his company so much that whatever is discussed is less important than just "breaking bread" with my best friend. He is always interesting. Sorry about his little problem, but I would help out if asked. Since our diet, he looks good and seems to be gaining in various ways. We have really helped each other.

MY friend in Seattle wants to make an unnamed football bet on the teams where we attended college. He suggests not being specific, but letting the loser decide. Quite a challenge - for him. Not sure about that one, but sounds fun. And hopefully not too expensive, although he can afford it.

I already am thinking how I can complete the projects begun Thursday. Still have major stuff to do and feel good. However these days one never knows what calls will come in. Also hope to do lunch with The Dude. The deck sounds great, as their food is tops. Looks like a warm and clear day, and we seem to be off by ourselves. Also thinking about what I need from our coffee/food expedition Saturday. So far the choices have produced an amazing weight loss, which I fully intend to increase over the next week. I am most anxious to drop below 200, a real mental barrier. But just being on the border is a major turn-on. And no, I have absolutely no intention of cheating or giving The Dude any breaks at all. He has been positively take no prisioners about this diet, so he gets what he gives. Oh, yeah, he is also making himself more studly and improved, which I admit does give me pride. We can motivate each other like no other two. Bravo, Dude.

Today I must begin to mull over career goals. The week has cleared up some things, but I need to move from present to future. I hope in future chats with my best bud The Dude to hone in on what we want and list some steps to get there. We have a common goal and many common methods that should produce big success. I will do what it takes to help him always.

It has been a warm and lovely morning. Have been enjoying coffee and doing some chores. Nothing major. In fact, rather lazy. I find being home so relaxing and so rejuvenating, I am not pushing a thing. It has been a very long time since the time has been there to fuss. Yes, I have some health issues, but they are not stopping me. Have done something so far, but not major breakthroughs.

Just heard from The Dude, and lunch is a go. What a great feeling. The days we miss seem long and dull. I enjoy working out of Acorn Cottage so much I have been wondering if our biz can use the homes. A separate office can be expensive. While it is perhaps easier for public recognition, there may be another option. Need to discuss with TD.

No phone calls so far. Rather nice. While I do enjoy talking to friends, calls can be from anybody. Nice to relax and poke along for a change. I am planning a floor cleaning sometime, but have avoided it. Not a big job, but not much fun either.

Will be nice to hear what options TD is working on. Biz planning takes time, especially to get the right combo for two fairly talented dudes. I want the both of us to feel dedicated and excited. Why do it at all if we both dislike it? But if we are both turned on, watch out.

A nice Thursday morning. Up a bit later each day, and not quite so eager off the mark. Already fairly "late" in the day for all those recent years. Feeling good again, and looking forward to getting going. I have begun a cleaning regime at Acorn Cottage, and things are looking fine. Never push it, but just do what I feel like. Nice!

Heard from The Dude via e mail. He seems better and active again, having fun. You know, I really enjoy our times together, but if he selects someone else for activities, I am always pleased he is happy. We are both in an improvement program, you might say, and it seems to be working. Even HEALTH improvement is most important.

Wednesday was a big day for me. Notice how I have no nickname for myself? Have to work on that. Anyway, my b p reading was much better. The dr was impressed and has reduced the checkups to monthly. Just keep on keeping on, she says. Made me feel good, as the initial results were not spectacular. Perhaps being off work help? Seems as if I feel the pressure heavily at work, so cannot hurt. I like the dr and her staff and do not fear an appt.

The Dude told me he has been ordered not to speak about me. That works. In fact, I am sharing the big things only with him. He understands so well, and I feel so easy sharing with him. He knows where I am coming from, and I know him quite well. We are, each in our own way, improving our lives. While I am unhappy about going the health route, it will help, and I am doing my part to make our future business a big success. A healthy partner surely is a big piece of the deal.

Today looks quiet. I have more work to do here, and more thinking to do. Nice to have the one issue coming along, and the dr thinks a small operation will wrap up the other one. Hope so. What happens as far as coverage goes is still not certain. I have been sort of pushed into making a claim, deserved surely, but not one I sought to make. We shall see. Have been filling out paperwork.

Hope to see The Dude later for lunch and a job visit. I have the time now to give serious thought to our status. Always makes me happy to do so, as I have a talented and greatly personable pard who will provide great success. Hope he feels the same! Anyway, between cups of java, I plan to get something done. Each day moves the process along.

Nice to hear from The Dude. Hope he continues to feel cool and right on. Thinking of you.

Certainly nice of The Dude not to show for lunch. I had to begin the cleaning. Dude, you know what I am holding up and how much I enjoyed lunch! I suppose if you wish to contribute a ride around the dr appt late this pm, things might get better. Otherwise, same sign.

Actually, I was called by a co-worker. Nice visit and concern expressed. Always liked him and appreciated his interest. Only call so far today. It has been a quiet day, with no mail related to the job deal at all. Bought a few things, read, and enjoyed a superb morning at the house. Nice to have this great weather.

I have time before the dr to continue the cleanup. Not feeling very energetic, as the diet is going well. However, if I do a few chores daily, things will be much better in a week. I have small rooms and not much dirt, so good progress should be made. Will be nice, but the company of The Dude, despite his drawbacks, would be nicer.

I think one day at a time works for me. There might have been a big plan at one time, but so many aspects depend upon the previous signs. I am avoiding hard commitments and trying to give and take. I have not changed what I want in the longer run, just how to get there and how fast.

Talked to my neighbor the doctor, who was much concerned, and also the owner of a great dog that recently died of cancer. She was great. She agrees that the chance of cancer is slim. Hope both are correct. But as I said, worrying does no good. I am keeping on keeping on.

I sure am hoping that The Dude, despite being such a...jerk today, is up for coffee, shopping, and the visit we so need this Saturday. He has lots going, which I appreciate and do not scorn, but our career plans need to be fleshed out. We got started, but then he said my interpretation was not correct. Never found out exactly why.

Well, enough of a time out. Time to do further chores or just sit on the porch and enjoy the afternoon. Nice to have a choice. L,P

Up earlier today. Is that a sign of better health and outlook? Yesterday was some day! My main regret was The Dude was quite ill and unable to do anything. He shares my space in the world, and when he is not the usual great guy, it really hurts. Hope today is better for him.

I spent more time on business than planned. There was a meeting at work with my supervisor and folks from the HR office. It was a discussion of what was happening in my life and how best to handle it. I surely do not claim all the answers, so we listenened, gave and took. I think the conclusion was very just, fair, and provides a chance to get more details on the health issues and reach a solution. It was a long meeting, but I left upbeat.

I also was asked to complete some forms regarding the health situation. A friend at IIC has become involved, which gives me hope and someone to call. After so many years in state government, one earns friends.

I made one dr visit only to be told I was a day early. True enough, but a nice walk in the afternoon heat. The hospital is not far from my home. Need to go today at the same time.

So we have reached Wednesday. I intend to try to do the cleaning, but do not have the energy to really hit it. So I am more fussing, doing the little oneses and calling it good. Hope to get some done shortly. Also checking weight. It much surprised me to reach 204, which is getting real close to the first goal of 200. The Dude claims he already broke it, but a cheating trip to Vegas pumped him up again. I am not sure exactly where he stands now. Whatever, there finally is some competition. We are enjoying it greatly, and I just love to inform him of my success. Hope to pull ahead soon, as I have not cheated once and lost steadily. Much the better approach in the long run. And beating The Dude would provide such real pleasure!

Anyway, I hope he is better today and back at it. It is so lonesome when we do not share a lunch. Today looks good for me, as the appt. is quite late. And I just do not want a full day to do housework! Why did I get a job??? I am concentrating on the yard, which looks great. We are in the last few weeks, a month at most. October is such a gorgeous month, and my trees are turning. The flowers are at a peak. It is a great time to fuss in the gardens.

Since I remain somewhat ill, I am not overdoing. Any fun that comes along is welcome. We had a great lunch outside on the patio Monday, and I sure would do it again. The Dude and I can always argue, check the facts, test each other, and finally share a moment. It is a rare thing, and I value every day.